In this article, I share how grief often gives us the impression that it is the cause of everything that collapses in our lives — when in fact it mostly reveals and amplifies what was already there beneath the surface. Loss brings hidden vulnerabilities into the light and can intensify pre-existing struggles with our habits, our body, our time and our inner balance. I also speak about the importance of being truly supported and understood, so we do not face this inner unraveling alone — and how, even through grief, a deep and meaningful inner transformation can begin.
What We Normalize and Why We Should’nt
Sometimes, my son Louis taps me on the shoulder and says, with a teasing smile:
“Don’t put everything on my back.”
And yes… since he left, I’ve gained weight.
I feel like I’m no longer in control of anything.
I struggle to exercise.
I don’t go to the gym even though I have a membership.
I don’t eat healthily.
I procrastinate.
I accumulate things.
I struggle to declutter, to tidy up, to create order.
There was already a little of all that in my life before Louis left…
But everything felt under control.
It was minor.
Not invasive.
Not overwhelming.
I truly thought I was living a happy, ordinary life.
And then, after his death, it was like a jack-in-the-box suddenly springing open.
The loss blew the lid off.
The puppet is there now, growing bigger, jerking in every direction, mocking me.
And Louis is there, gently reminding me that I can’t put everything on him.
And he is right.
Grief is difficult.
Deeply difficult.
And this is not only true when we lose a child.
Perhaps you, too, are living through something similar.
Perhaps the loss of someone you loved — a partner, a parent, a child, a friend, a sibling, a colleague, a deeply meaningful relationship — has revealed hidden cracks in your life and in yourself.
Perhaps this loss has pulled you toward forms of emotional numbing…
or brought you dangerously close to them.
Perhaps it is films, TV series, alcohol, medication, compulsive shopping, excessive exercise, work, food, social media, a hobby, or any activity meant to fill the emptiness.
Perhaps you have thrown yourself entirely into helping others, into being useful, into being strong… instead of taking care of yourself.
Shame and guilt — those quiet companions that once lay hidden beside us — suddenly emerge from their hiding place.
They cling to us.
They walk with us every day.
And they make emotional numbing feel even more necessary.
When I became aware of what I was living — like tumbling down a mountainside, a dizzying free fall — I sought help from therapists, especially regarding my weight gain and my alcohol consumption.
One of them, seemingly unfamiliar with eating disorders, told me it wasn’t a big deal to eat a few squares of chocolate if I needed it.
(Oh dear… it wasn’t a single square, but several whole bars.
And not just one glass of alcohol.)
Another told me it wasn’t the right time to stop, that I needed it.
I was deeply surprised — and disappointed — by how few professionals truly understand the mechanisms of the downward spiral that can follow a major loss and a severe emotional shock.
A month ago, in France, we commemorated the tenth anniversary of a major terrorist attack in a Paris concert hall.
Many testimonies were shared.
And alongside stories of resilience, there was overwhelming pain, suicides, and lives once happy rendered impossible.
Trauma is real.
Grief is real.
And their consequences are real.
Fortunately, I did not fall into alcoholism, and I am now receiving support to return to a healthier relationship with my body and with myself.
But I want to urge each and every one of you not to consider what you are living as something “normal” that should simply be endured.
Yes, grief is a natural response to loss.
But the silent collapse that can follow it should never be ignored.
We need to help one another.
To support one another.
To seek therapists.
To try different approaches.
To dare to change helpers when something does not feel right.
To surround ourselves with enough love and safety to reduce the need for emotional numbing strategies.
When we are truly held within a cocoon of love, we no longer need to protect ourselves with substances, compulsions, or excess.
I know that, for some, this is extremely difficult — especially when you feel alone, misunderstood, or unsupported.
That is why I want to remind you that every word of encouragement, every small gesture, every moment of presence can make a real difference for someone — sometimes at a critical moment.
And if you do not feel supported, please find the courage to ask for help:
within this group,
from trusted people,
from professionals,
or simply from someone able to listen with kindness.
We all share a responsibility:
to contribute to this vast web of love,
where each of us can, in turn, support… and be supported.
And perhaps, over time, you may begin to look differently at the trial that has entered your life.
It was a revelation.
It drew your attention to places where many people prefer not to look.
It forced you to face inner landscapes that most avoid — cutting themselves off from a powerful lever of growth and transformation.
Because loss — whatever its form — has a strange power.
It lifts our gaze from the ground where it once remained fixed.
It draws us out of automatic living.
It allows us to look higher, deeper and farther.
It connects us to another inner frequency, one that few people become aware of without being shaken by life.
This ordeal illuminates our cracks and our wounds,
so that we may tend to them,
care for them,
heal them,
and allow them to become the foundations of a profound inner transformation.
And in our own way, each of us can become
a shining, living testimony of love that continues.
